


I am the mask you wear, it's me they hear

by GayerThanATreeFullOfMonkeys



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, M/M, Multiple Personalities, Unresolved Tension, i can't write happy things, whoops this is deppressing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-11
Updated: 2013-11-11
Packaged: 2018-01-01 05:44:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 692
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1041040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GayerThanATreeFullOfMonkeys/pseuds/GayerThanATreeFullOfMonkeys
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The thing was that for a long time Dean was never quite sure which one he would get.</p><p>He wouldn't know until he opened the door to the apartment and yelled out "I'm home!"</p><p>He never said a name because he never knew which name he was supposed to use.</p><p>Because the person who would call back would always be different.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I am the mask you wear, it's me they hear

The thing was that for a long time Dean was never quite sure which one he would get.

He wouldn't know until he opened the door to the apartment and yelled out "I'm home!"

He never said a name because he never knew which name he was supposed to use.

Because the person who would call back would always be different.

 

 

Sometimes it was Jimmy.

Jimmy was good to have around, a little preachy, a little sarcastic sure but he was good.

With Jimmy Dean would smile and trade small talk while cooking burgers and they would fall asleep on the couch watching game shows.

He would always wait for Jimmy to kiss him first, he didn't know why but something about him felt off limits.

 

 

Then sometimes it was the fucked up Cas (he didn't another name for him but god did he want one, it seemed wrong to let this one use Cas's name).

He could always tell that it was fucked up Cas by the smell of weed coming from the bedroom and the way his voice sounded careless in a way that made Dean's heart hurt.

He tried his best to keep some distance between him and fucked up Cas but somehow they always ended up fucking on the kitchen table and afterward Cas would laugh and mutter something in a soft voice while lighting a joint and Dean would try to stop staring at him.

 

Worst of all was Leviathan. He didn't know where the word (name?) had come from and didn't ever want to know (the word made him feel like running far far away).

All he knew was that this was the one that would kiss him and then bite at his lips until he bleed.

This was the one that he had bought the handcuffs for.

This was the one that he left chained to the heater.

This was the one he closed the bedroom door on.

He never slept during those nights.

 

  
Then there was Emmanuel, he was ok, soft spoken and gentle and he was almost, almost like the guy that Dean had fallen in love with so long ago.

Emmanuel was the easiest, he would make Dean toast and soup and they would eat around the table and he would recount legends from what seemed to be every religion in the world.

Somtimes, before bed, Dean would press him against the counter and kiss him as gingerly as he could and Emmanuel would keep his eyes open, staring like he was trying to remember something.

They would sleep with a foot of space between them and Dean slept heavily.

 

  
And then finally there was Castiel, Cas, Dean best friend since high school and boyfriend for almost as long and the reason he lived his life walking on eggshells.

He tried to convince himself that Cas was the real one, that no matter how many personalities he had this was the base of them all but it was so hard when each year a new self would pop up and he would see Cas a little bit less.

 

And it had been happening for so long, ever since they had turned 18 and started dating and Jimmy had shown up (Gabriel and Sam told him time and time again they it wasn't his fault that it had started, that MPD often appeared during the teenage years but how could he not feel responsible? Cas had been fine before they had started sneaking out and kissing in his car).

But at least every once and a while he had Cas (thats what he told himself every time he started to dread coming home) and it was _so_ amazing coming home to Cas, with his stupid head tilt and quick temper and endless empathy and the way he refused to understand any aspect of pop culture.

Cas wasn't the easiest, not at all, he would apologize about the others until Dean thought his ears were going to bleed but it was Cas and he could deal with all of the rest of it as long as he could just have a few more hours.

**Author's Note:**

> Comment and let me know what you thought!
> 
> EDIT: I now have a fandom blog!! Come talk to me at crossroadsbela.tumblr.com!! I'd love to hear from you guys!


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